


Yes. I am a Lesbian.

by thewiggins



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Buffy Summers, Character Study, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Episode: s04e09 Something Blue, F/F, Fem!Riley, Femslash, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Riley, Podfic Welcome, Rule 63
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-04-03 17:42:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21497455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewiggins/pseuds/thewiggins
Summary: Riley's getting tired of having to hide parts of herself.
Relationships: Riley Finn/Buffy Summers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13
Collections: Buffy Flash 2019





	Yes. I am a Lesbian.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VampirePaladin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampirePaladin/gifts).

> This story is a re-write of the scene at the beginning of Something Blue. I have taken some some liberties.
> 
> This story is a character study of Riley more than anything and a look at the subtle ways that things might have been different if he'd been born a woman. Written as part of BuffyFlash2019 fulfilling VampirePaladin's request for a Buffy/Fem!Riley Story.
> 
> Unbeta'd and written relatively quickly. So if you see a mistake, don't hesitate to point it out!

Riley stood on a ladder in the common room of Stevenson Hall, carefully screwing a large metal hook into the powder-blue drywall as Monica did the same on the pillar across from her. It had, of course, been assumed that Riley would be one of the girls to hang the banner. Because, despite the fact that Riley had never considered herself especially handy (at any rate, she couldn’t construct a chair from scratch like her father; rebuild and engine within hours like her brother; or slaughter, pluck, and prep a turkey like her mother) she’d gotten a reputation in the group as being a go-to gal for all things handy. Riley supposed she knew a thing or two but, more importantly, she just was never one to hesitate to jump in when she saw that there was something which needed to be done. So it’d been her that they’d turned to when the folding table that they used to pass out fliers outside the CAB building had gone all jenky and it had been her that Monica had called last week when her car wouldn’t start. Riley didn’t mind. She liked being useful. 

Riley turned the screw slowly through the drywall, careful not to bungle it and strip the sides of the hole so that the hook would fall out. This was an operation that called for delicacy more than it did strength. Which was too bad, cause she was good at strength. Riley had never been called graceful, but then tall, muscular girls rarely are. Growing up, she'd just wanted to be useful to her dad. Anytime there was some project that needed doing (and on a farm there always was), Riley had been the first one to volunteer. She’d done everything from pounding nails to carting fifty-pound bags of fertilizer. Her father had been parsimonious with praise, even more so toward Riley than toward her brothers. But she’d done what she could to make him proud and she liked to think he generally had been. Riley had always had the vague sensation that she wasn’t exactly what her parents wanted from a daughter, but the feeling hadn’t crystallized until she’d entered elementary school and been told how strange it was for a girl to prefer working on a farm and staging mock battles with her brothers over playing with dolls. How un-girlish it was for her to dress and act the way she did. How she’d grow older, start liking boys, and get over this “tomboy phase.” She had grown older anyway.

She’d gone into the military because she knew she had skills that could be useful to the world outside her father’s farm and in the vague hope that she would be valued there based on what she could do rather than just what she looked like or what people (correctly) assumed her sexuality to be. And she had eventually proven herself and found some form of acceptance. She’d had to fight ten times as hard as any of the boys for it, but that was OK. Growing up with three brothers, Riley was used to fighting. She quickly learned how to put in his place any fellow soldier who dared to treat her as if she were less capable due to her sex. But some kinds of prejudice were harder to defend against.

After all, how do you fight insults based on an identity you were not allowed to admit to? At least, Riley thought, she’d been lucky that Walsh allowed none of that kind of language in her operation.

Which didn’t exactly mean she’d been thrilled when Riley had joined the Alliance. It had been Walsh’s idea that Initiative members joined clubs and other campus organizations to further their cover as students. But this probably hadn’t exactly been what she had in mind. But Walsh couldn’t call Riley out for breaking Don’t Ask Don’t Tell without risking exposure of the mission or at the very least Riley’s removal from it. So Walsh hadn't said a word while Riley had started going to a room in the Student Activities building every Thursday afternoon, where she ate homemade cookies and talked about subjects she'd never openly discussed before, such as marriage equality, bi-erasure, and dental dams. And for the first time, Riley had felt immediately and openly welcomed for a part of herself that she’d always been told to hide or, at the very least, downplay. 

And while Riley loved the military with its firm lines of command and sense of moral clarity that came from knowing whose side you were on, she also loved the more messy, chaotic world that these girls occupied. Even if it frustrated her sometimes. In the Alliance, there were no hierarchies, no chain of command. The club’s president, Emily (a cheerful, round-faced girl from the Sedona valley) was more inclined to take suggestions than to tell others what to do. And if this sometimes meant that it took longer for things to get done than it maybe should, it also meant that no one was stepped over in the process.

Riley had even briefly dated Emily, before it had become clear that their interests and priorities were just too different for a relationship to be viable in the long term. But, another thing that stifled the relationship and put just a note of distance between Riley and these girls was the knowledge of what she had to hide from them. Secrets, redacted parts of her life. Riley really wasn’t very good at the whole secret identity lifestyle. At least she and Emily had parted without rancor and managed to stay friends. Riley just wished, hopelessly, that she might someday be able to find someone who’d understand both sides of her life. A fellow Initiative member might have been the most obvious choice, but there were hardly any women in the Initiative period, and even if any of them were gay or bi, they wouldn't be allowed to tell her.

Riley took a couple of steps down on the ladder and took a corner of the banner from Emily, Monica having taken the other from Chantel. Together Riley and Monica lifted the banner into the air and for a moment Riley felt like a knight raising her standard as she rode into battle. Funny. Riley wasn’t normally the type for flights of fancy. 

She tied the string around the hook and noticed the banner had gotten twisted around somehow, the back corner flopping down over the front and obscuring the text. She flipped it the right way and smiled at the smattering of claps and cheers from her fellow club members below as the banner’s message became clear. Pushing back a lock of her short hair and stepping off the ladder Riley noticed for the first time that Buffy was standing a little way off. Their eyes met and Riley smiled. She’d clearly been on her way to class when she’d seen Riley and stopped. Riley liked the idea that she could make a girl stop in her tracks. 

Riley quickly made her excuses to Emily who followed her eyes over to Buffy and gave Riley a knowing grin and a little nudge with her elbow. Riley may have found herself inadvertently mentioning Buffy more than a few times around the girls in the club and by this point, probably every person in the damned group was well aware of her crush. Actually, Riley was pretty sure they’d figured it out long before she had. For a psychology major, Riley could be a little slow in recognizing her own feelings sometimes. Riley took a deep, stabilizing breath, knowing that she’d need it. There was something about Buffy that always seemed to throw her just slightly off-balance.

“Hey,” Buffy said, as Riley approached. She was, Riley couldn’t help noticing, staring at Riley’s forearms, exposed from where she’d rolled her sleeves up to work. There had been a time when Riley had been self-conscious about her muscular arms, back when she’d tried to hide her strength. 

Buffy was, as always, gorgeous in a long flowy skirt and delicate-looking lacy top. The funny thing about Buffy was that someone who didn’t know her might look at her petite frame and hyper femme style and assume that she was, what? Dainty? Delicate? But, though Riley hadn’t known her long, she already knew her enough to know that wasn’t the case. Riley had seen her lift massive piles of books with no apparent effort, and then there was the way she’d accidentally broken the nozzle of that frozen yogurt machine. Overall there was just this sense about her that Buffy was stronger than most people suspected but was used to hiding it. And Riley was beginning to suspect that wasn’t the only thing Buffy was hiding. Sometimes Buffy said things that were… funny. That suggested a past or another side of her life that Riley didn’t understand. She hoped that someday soon she would.

“Hey, yourself,” Riley replied.

“So,” Buffy asked in a serious voice, “do you have something you want to tell me?”

Riley started just a little. Did she somehow know about the Initiative? Then Riley followed Buffy’s gaze to the banner and laughed out loud. After all, Riley wasn’t exactly making any effort to hide it anymore. 

“Yes,” she said, dryly. “I am a lesbian.”

“Thank god,” said Buffy, somehow managing to blush while still smiling a mischievous smile. “I wouldn’t want to think I was barking up the wrong tree.”

“Oh, you’ve got the right tree alright,” Riley replied, mentally kicking herself for not having a more eloquent reply. “Listen, Buffy, I was wondering, well… I’m free this afternoon and maybe if you’re free I thought we could… I don’t know. Go on a picnic? Together?”

“Why, Riley Finn, are you asking me on a date?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Maybe. But hey, obvious isn’t a bad thing. Mysterious and secretive is so last year.”

Riley laughed. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.” 

And, Riley thought as she linked her arm around Buffy’s, hopefully, there would come a time in the not too distant future when they would know each other well enough to share their secrets. But that was a bridge that they could cross _after_ they’d gone on their first date.

“So,” Riley asked as they walked under the purple banner that proudly read: LOVE WINS: JOIN THE LESBIAN & BISEXUAL ALLIANCE, “how do you feel about sandwiches?”


End file.
